Goodbye Providence…Hello New Hampshire!

In my first 2 years of living in Providence, I would seize every opportunity to take 2 trains and a subway ride back to New Hampshire. It was a home sickness I hadn’t expected and thus didn’t have the skills yet to cope with it- besides running back to the familiarity of my town a few hours away. Ironic for a tourism major, I know. After 4 years, I had grown enough to sit in the discomfort of home and ended up forming a new one in the process. I learned that as much as I idolize the thought of traveling far and wide, there’s no shame in enjoying the comfort of a place to go afterwards.

So, I was naturally looking forward to coming back and having one more summer in the sun spattered, noise-pollution-free, greenery explosion that is New Hampshire. Where each undemanding day bakes more nostalgia into my brain, drawing back a memory or two I had forgotten with time. I’m hoping that if I can soak up the intoxicating smell of the nighttime air flowing through our open windows a few more times at least, i’ll be prepared to jump off the cliff with everyone else into the real world at last.

But after graduation, the thank you’s and goodbyes, the rush brought on by finals and moving states had passed, i’m left with a peculiar state of mind (and an unsettling debt balance on my Credit Karma app). The purpose I once had of being a student, completing assignments and working towards a degree- it’s all gone. Sure, it’s also an accomplishment I shouldn’t diminish because of acute boredom and a yearning for 3am taco bell that’ s no longer a viable option. But lately i’m left feeling quite unsure of what to do with myself in between my Indeed binges.

Is this what being retired feels like? Sure, no 70-year-old I know would spend an entire day and night watching police body camera videos just because they don’t have to go to work the next day. But this might be my only chance to experience unrivaled free time until i’m at the age where I can’t stay up past 7. So, i’ve retired from the student life, my golden years came early. I’m buying cheap books to read, dusting off my guitar. Making smaller goals for myself helps, to feel any achievement of sorts and to not allow the self-pity monster melt me into my bed.

Maybe it’s the current state of the world, or the hasty realization that came to me after drowning in applications that a degree can’t whisper in my ear what i’m supposed to be doing next- or if i’m doing enough. I do know, however, that i’m happy to be back in the Granite State. To feel the safety and serenity of driving on streets that i’ve driven a thousand times before, by the places that spark memories and friendships that got me where I am today. More importantly, i’ve missed the Las Olas Soyrizo bowl. I seriously love that place about as much as I love my parents.